Say NO to Bullying
School bully Nelson Muntz
Most adults think of bullying as past events that happened in childhood. Bullying does not end at a certain age or with maturity, it exists in adulthood under different names (sexual harassment, stalking, scapegoating, workplace aggression). Whether in childhood or adulthood, bullying is one person controlling or harming someone else by use of power. It happens at work or at home, in person or online.
Six effective ways for dealing with bullying in adulthood
Psychotherapist Jenise Harmon LISW, has developed six steps for dealing with adult bullying.
One
Recognize it. Bullying is harassment. It’s intimidation. It’s when one person uses strength or power to control or harm someone else. It can be physical or mental. It can be very clear, or very subtle.
Two
Understand that the bullying is not about you, or some flaw of yours. It’s about the bully’s need to control.
Three
Think through your options. You may feel powerless, but you’re not. In every situation there are choices to make. If it’s a work situation, do you want to report it to HR, or talk to the person first? What would be the costs and Β benefits? If there is even a chance of physical harm, you need to get someone else involved immediately.
Four
Take action. Once you’ve decided how you want to proceed, do it. If you want to contact a supervisor, make an appointment with them. If you want to confront the bully, think through a safe way to do this, prepare what you want to say and where you want to say it. If you decide to try and avoid the perpetrator, plan for how you can best do this.
Five
Evaluate. After a few days, check in with yourself. How are things going? Is the harassment still occurring? Has it gotten worse? Is it better? If things are not improving, you’ll want to go back to step 3 and rethink your options.
Six
The last step in dealing with being bullied is to try and let go of the pain that has a hold on you. As long as you hold on to the anger and pain, you continue to give the bully power. For some people, this means forgiving and making peace with the person who hurt them. For others, it’s a matter of setting personal boundaries and feeling safe again within those boundaries. For others, it’s making a new start β finding new friends, getting a different job, joining a new organization.
Finding your strength, and realizing what options are available can help you confront and handle any situation, even bullying.
