Reflections from an expat – a personal note from Evelyne Riddle
39 years ago, I willingly left my country of origin. I have been going back and forth from the various countries where I’ve lived – Egypt, the United States, Italy and currently, the United Kingdom to France, my birth country, and every time the same uninvited, indefinable and unpleasant feeling takes me by surprise.
On my way back to France, the feeling creeps up shortly after landing: I find my people pushy, inconsiderate and disorganised and I wish I were back ‘home’ in the UK. Upon heading back for the UK, the feeling starts at the airport where I find myself queueing with a crowd I no longer have anything in common with: it’s as if they are all going home with purpose while I feel uprooted and rather lonely. It is like being in a no-man’s land despite of, or perhaps because of, all the people around me. It’s a feeling of not belonging either here or there.
Have you ever been in a similar situation and felt that way? Many of my international friends and acquaintances have. One of my Indian friends, who is a UK citizen described that feeling as a reconnection of her sense of identity followed by a loss, coupled with a sense of nostalgia for a long forgotten place. Another friend and co-patriot said it felt like being in transit between two worlds. This unsettling feeling originates from our basic need for safety in family and society and our slightly more sophisticated need for belonging, to receive and give love, appreciation and friendship. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our needs for security and belonging rank second and third after basic physiological needs such as food and shelter, and before self-esteem needs, which include confidence, achievements, respect by and for others. Only when all these needs are fulfilled, can we then work on achieving our full potential.
When there is a deficiency of elements of safety, which include personal and financial security, health and well-being; and love and belonging which entail friendship, family and intimacy, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety and clinical depression.
These fleeting ‘airport’ moments of discontinuity and transition are reminders of our fragility but also of the choices we have to break our potential feelings of isolation and shape a stronger identity enriched by our exposure to different aspects of the world.
